5 weeks

Wow.  How can this even be? It has been 5 weeks since I have been able to hold you.  This is the hardest thing that your daddy and I will ever have to go through.  I miss you more and more every day. I miss your smile.  I miss feeding you.  I miss playing with your crazy hair. I miss kissing you.  I miss mommy and Ellie days.  I miss snuggling.  I miss telling you "Good Morning Princess" every morning. I miss bath time.  I miss watching you play.  I miss your laugh.  I miss our talks.  I miss changing your diaper.  I miss changing your clothes.  I miss your smell.  I miss how you arched your back because you were mad.  I miss how impatient you got when you were hungry.  I miss taking you to the store.  I miss watching Izzy try to lick your hair when mommy wasn't looking.  I miss singing to you.  I miss reading you stories.  I miss taking your picture.  I miss saying our prayers every night.  I miss putting you to bed.  I miss those baby piggies.  I miss holding your hand.  I miss trying to tame that wild hair :) I miss laying you down for your short little naps. I miss putting all those headbands on you to just accessorize your outfits. I miss showing you off to everyone because you are the cutest baby I have ever seen.  I miss tickling you.  I miss those cheeks. I miss those rolls you were starting to get. I miss your cries.  Have I mentioned I MISS YOU?

Thursdays are such a bittersweet kind of day for me.  You were born on a Thursday....and you went home to heaven on a Thursday.  Every Thursday around 9:42 a.m. I just feel sick.  I try not to think of that day and just try to remember all the good memories that we have shared with you but it is hard to push those haunting feelings out of my mind.  That was the worst day of my life.  I just can't get the pictures and sounds out of my head from that day.  It's a nightmare.  Sometimes I feel like this is all a nightmare and I am just hoping everyday that when I get up you will be right there in your bassinet next to me, but then you aren't.  Then I realize it's real and I have to relive it everyday knowing you aren't here with me.  

Everyday I go to see you in the morning before I head to work.  It makes me feel like I can still include you as a part of my morning routine.  That was the hardest part for me to go back to work knowing that I didn't get to get up and get you ready for the day too.  So taking the hour in the morning to come see you and talk to you and read you a book starts my day off in good spirits.  I know you are looking over us everyday and just smiling.  You are taking care of us and I know God is taking care of you.  I thank God everyday for blessing us with the most precious baby girl.  We are so lucky to be your parents.  I look forward to the day when we can see you again....that will be the greatest day because then we can have you for ETERNITY!! How wonderful is that?!?

I love you more than anything in this world baby girl. Sleep tight and mommy will come see you in the morning.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  Guide me safely through the night, and wake me with the morning light.  Amen"