WHY?

Today I got up to go and see you before I went to work.  I love starting my day off with you. I love reading you Bible verses that bless my baby girl.  I also love talking to you about our days.  I was thankful that it was warmer today...I was able to be with you longer and feel like I could keep all my toes when left ;) 55 degrees might seem cold to some people but it's better than the 2 degrees we had last week! I had a long day at work.... but kept busy (which is good for my mind).

Tonight we went to Uncle Trey's basketball game.  I know you would have loved to be sitting right on mommy's lap cheering for Uncle Trey and wearing your "I love Uncle Trey" onesie...and of course that beautiful red bow that you rocked! :) Being at that school just made me SO MAD tonight.  I have not been this mad this whole time.  I looked around that gym at every kid and baby thinking how is this even fair??  WHY can't my baby be here with me??  The sound of every baby laughing just breaks my heart.  You were just really starting to giggle and talk and I can just imagine you doing the same at the games.  I hate having this feeling of anger, but I do.  I want you here more than anything in this world! My heart will never heal.  I will always have this huge hole.  When I get these feelings that I feel like I can't control, I remind myself that I will get to see you again someday.  I can't wait to have you for ETERNITY! I have so much love to give you that you didn't get to have that long here with me.

Ellie, I love you more than anything in this world.  Please give mommy and daddy the strength that we need.  I just feel so weak although others may think we are strong.  I am just screaming and breaking more and more everyday without you here.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  Guide me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen"

My little pumpkin showing her love for Uncle Trey.