Last week, Marc and I went to a genetics doctor in Indy because while at grad school, my best friend heard a lecture from this geneticist about hearing loss and SIDS. Ellie had a slight hearing loss in her left ear that I was always so concerned about, but was told that it was so mild that she probably wouldn't even notice. So I trusted the doctors and just went on my way. This genetic doctor explained that hearing loss is also a common way that doctors find a heart arythmia (Prolong QT syndrome) in babies. I have never heard of this information before this. In a way I was upset that I never knew that there was even a possibility for something like this, but I also know that this is just a theory that they know about but it doesn't necessarily pertain to Ellie. It does make me wonder though because an autopsy would never show these kinds of results...only a working heart would ever show this. It makes me wonder if this is a "reason" to SIDS? Although many questions arise with this new information, I have never been at more peace. I feel like we had many of our open-ended questions answered by this wonderful genetic doctor. Marc and I had genetic sampling done so we can just be pro-active about anything we can for this precious baby that is growing in my belly. We are praying for nothing but good answers from this.
I know that it is hard for some people to understand, but I have come to peace that I will never know the answer as to why Ellie left us. It is the hardest thing to come to this, but after the autopsy reports came back I read through the report (which I never should have done) and realized that she was just a healthy little baby and there was nothing that I could have done. Ellie wanted Auntie Sam to go to that lecture so she could tell her mommy and daddy about these genetic findings. I truly feel that there was something there that God wanted us to understand and he knew it would help us in our healing process. They are not answers, but I am okay with that. I needed to know this information and know some things I could do if this little baby has hearing loss too, since it is genetic. It was also explained to us that it is a state law that all babies have to have an EKG during their newborn screen in the hospital. This was just another thing to help ease my fears for this blessing in my belly.
God has truly blessed Marc and I in our lives and we thank him for blessing us with two beautiful babies everyday. We know He is taking care of Miss Ellie and allowing her to watch over us and give us peace. This lifelong process will always be a hard learning process but having faith through all of it will get us through. Thank you, God <3
I love you so much, Ellie Olivia <3 Mommy and Daddy will come and visit in the morning.
Mommy loves you, pumpkin. I wish I could hold you in my arms and kiss you all day. I do know that one day I will be able to do that again....and that's for ETERNITY! <3
