On Tuesday, Marc and I got to go have an ultrasound for Baby Walter #2! Baby Walter #2 is LITTLE GIRL!! Little Miss Olivia {after her big sister :) }I was so nervous up until this day because I wanted more than anything for this baby to be a girl so we could have that chance to raise a little girl. We had so many hopes and dreams for Ellie and those were just ripped away. We just wanted to be able to raise our little girl. Don't get me wrong, I would have been happy and felt more than blessed with a little boy, but it's the things that I would have had to change after that I was so anxious about to have a little boy. I was anxious for any kind of change. Change is not my thing these days. When you have the most unexpected and sudden change happen to you....change is HARD! Marc and I are truly thankful for the two beautiful girls that God has given us. We knew that God would give us just what we needed <3
This morning I woke up just hoping that the dream I just woke up from was real. Ellie came to me in my dream. God gave her a second chance to live here on this earth with her mommy and daddy. I was in complete shock that he allowed her to come back to us but I couldn't thank God enough that he let us have her again. She looked just the same as she did when she left us. She still had her crazy hair and she was the sweet, precious little 16 week old that I remember. I got to carry her in her carseat, nurse her(which she didn't want to eat because she was too interested in everyone that was around), hold and kiss her....it was amazing! My family had a get-together and everyone was so happy to see her. As amazing as this dream was, I was terrified the whole time that she would leave me again. I watched her every second....she was never allowed out of my sight. I couldn't have been more happy that she came to visit me in my dreams....I have not had a dream about her this whole time.
I know this dream gave me several things that I had to think about. I know God wanted me to know that I will be with her again and it will be more than wonderful, but also that there are going to be some fears that come along with Baby Olivia that he will help me get through. I will be terrified every day for her life and I will probably never leave her....but God will be with me. I just need to remember my faith and know that he will be with us as well as our precious little angel.
Ellie, Mommy and Daddy LOVE and MISS you more than anything!! I know you are watching over us and your little sister every day. I will come and visit you here in a little bit. <3
We used to send pictures like this to daddy all the time while mommy got to stay home with you. <3 You were always so happy when you got up in the morning. Always talking and laughing with mommy. I enjoyed every minute of it....I just wish we could still have those moments together.
