Christmas

Christmas is just right around the corner and every little thing we do to get ready for the holiday makes me remember that we don't have you here to celebrate this joyous day with... Again. Last year was extremely hard because you had just went to heaven just a few weeks before. This year will still be just as hard. I sit here and wonder what Christmas jammies you would be wearing, what kinds of gifts you would be getting and what you would have thought about opening presents. Would you have liked to see Santa? Or would you have screamed? There are so many things that I wish we could have done with you and I continue to want those things this year too. 

This year is a little different... Your baby sister is now here! She has brought us so much joy that I never thought possible. It is so bittersweet that we get to have her first Christmas this year and we never got that with you. But, I know that you will be right here celebrating with us Christmas morning. I just wish I could see you sitting by your sister and opening all her gifts too.... 

This year, you got your own little tree so that Olivia can put an ornament on it just for sissy. I felt this would be a good way as she gets older to connect with you during Christmas time. Of course you still have all your ornaments on the big tree, but this is something special for just her to do <3 one day she can pick out her own ornament for you :) 

I know you will have the greatest Christmas of all, by celebrating with Jesus himself. I can't even imagine the celebration you angels have on that day. 

Your family loves and misses you so much, baby girl. Keep sending us feathers and come visit in my dreams anytime!! It's been way too long since I have been able to see you. Love you, princess. 

A priceless picture we have of you and your little sister! I LOVE it! It is on the Christmas card this year <3

December 6

This past week we went through one of the hardest days that I never wanted to come up to, the day that Ellie passed. Usually the days leading up to the date I am anxious about seem to be the worst, but this time I didn't do as bad as I usually do. (I thank God for putting kiss Olivia in our lives at this time because I had her to snuggle and love on). 

The night of the 5th was rather rough as I remembered it being the last night that I got to put Ellie to bed and do our nightly routine. Getting up to nurse Olivia that night was rather hard and I cried very time but held her ever so tightly. I talked to her about her sister thinking that would help my emotions, but it only made it worse because I wanted both of my girl here together rather than just telling Olivia about her big sister. I made it through the rest of the night with little sleep because all I could do is remember the 6th. I wanted so bad to go to bed that night and wake up and it just be the 7th... But obviously that doesn't happen. 

The day of the 6th, the morning, was even harder. I found myself staring at the clock and remembering all the times the things occurred that awful day a year ago. I found a huge relief/overcame a hurdle that morning after the time of her passing. That was the hardest time for me. I didn't want to come up to that time and have to remember why I hated it so much but I did and I made it. 

We spent the rest of the day as a family and went to visit miss Ellie and decorate for her for Christmas. My family stayed the night with us that night and brought us pizza and movies! It was a nice way to end the day and I am glad we had family to surround us with love knowing that day was hard on all of us. 

The biggest thing was... WE MADE IT! I can't believe it has been a year since we have held our precious little girl. That hurts more than anything. I miss her more and more with each passing day. I will never stop loving, missing or remembering her. 

Mommy loves and misses you so much, Ellie Olivia ❤️

The last picture I took of my pretty girl ❤️

Welcome, Olivia Faith 💗

LIt has been a long time since I have been I here to post (I know I say that about everytime 😊) but I have a lot on my mind these days and sometimes I feel like this is the best way to get it all out. 

On November 20, we welcomed Ellie's little sister Olivia into our lives! She weighed 7 lbs 10 oz and was 21 inches long! We feel more than blessed that god has given us another precious baby I love and snuggle on. We never knew how much joy Olivia could bring us through this grief storm. God knew exactly when we needed Olivia the most ❤️ 

Meet Miss Olivia 💗

My heart will always have a hole in it from losing our precious Ellie, but Olivia has put so much of that love back into my heart that I never knew was ever possible. I thank God everyday for the beautiful blessings that he has given us. I know Ellie watches over us everyday ❤️

When we were at the hospital, right before Olivia was born, a little white feather came floating down and was circling around Marc and I. I just knew that was Ellie there with us. Then, the next day, I was holding Olivia and a little white feather floated down and lande right beside me on the bed. I felt like Ellie was telling me that that was where she would be sitting to meet her new baby sister. It melts my heart to receive signs like this to let is know she is here. I continue to find white feathers on Olivia quite often.

  

A feather for Miss Olivia ❤️

Mommy loves you, Miss Ellie ❤️