Day 1: Sunrise

A couple of weeks ago, I pulled my car over to take a picture of this beautiful sunrise.  There was something about this sunrise that made me smile.  As I stared at the sun rising on my way to work, I felt a sense of calmness as I smiled.  I just knew my pretty girl was looking at the same beautiful sunrise in Heaven.  Sometimes I stare at the beautiful things on this Earth that God has created and just take it all in.  It is so easy to just take the small things that He created for granted because life gets in the way.  I never take enough time to just admire these beautiful things and thank Him for all that He is given us. I felt as though Ellie was telling me to enjoy this sunrise because she was too.  No matter where she is, I will always be her mommy and we can still enjoy these special moments together <3  I love you so much, Ellie Olivia.  

Thank you for letting mommy see the beauty in this. 

Capturing My Grief Journey Challenge

Since it has been a long time since I have blogged, I have decided I needed to get back into it.  It really helps me to get my thoughts and feelings out with hopes to be able to help others through the process. This was a good time for me to start blogging again because this month is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month."  

Ellie's babysitter sent me a project that she thought that I would enjoy doing....she is right.  It is a good way to get my feelings about about my grief journey out and hopefully others can understand me more. Not that I need people to understand me, but sometimes it is so hard to get any point across about grief when no one understands you (not that I would want them to either).  This challenge has many good topics to challenge you to talk about these things through your grief journey and maybe think about some things that I have never thought of before.  Some of them look rather hard for me to answer as a look ahead but I am going to do my best <3

Here is the challenge:

Ellie has changed our lives in so many ways and I am so blessed that she is our first baby girl.  I still feel like I am living in a fog these past (almost) 10 months.  It just doesn't seem real that one second I was holding my baby girl and the next she is just gone.  She has inspired me to change many things in my life and how I live my life.  She has taught me a great deal about having more faith and doing anything I can to be able to help others in life.  This life here on this Earth is WAY TOO SHORT and I wish I could change the way my life has turned out, but that is not an option for me so I am going to live this life that I have been given to the fullest potential that God intended.  Experiencing the worst possible pain that you could ever endure on this Earth opens your eyes and changes your life drastically, but I thank God and Ellie for being with not only me, but my husband as well as we walk through this hard journey of grief and living here without our baby girl.  We couldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for having faith.

Ellie, Mommy and Daddy love and miss you more than anything.  We know that one day God will reunite us as a family once again and I know that day will be more than glorious.

Come visit me in my dreams anytime, sweet girl. 

I could watch this pretty girl sleep all day <3