5 months...

I just can't even believe that it's been 5 months since I have been able to hold my precious angel. It doesn't seem real. I don't even feel like I have been living. These past few months I have been living in a fog and just going through the motions of life. I couldn't even tell you much of what I have done.... Except miss my baby more than anything. It's just SO hard to live a life without the little love of my life. We had so many plans we wanted to do with Ellie... We barely had any time to do them. But don't get me wrong... I am so blessed for the time I did have with her and I thank God everyday for letting me be her mommy.

I wish I could shake this funk of depression I've been in even with the warm weather. Maybe it's because Mother's Day is just around the corner and I am dreading it more than anything. I don't even want to go though that day at all. :( I am thankful that Ellie made me a mommy... But I don't want to celebrate it without her. That hurts so much. I wanted her here. I looked forward to that last year knowing she would be here with me and here i am without her and it sucks. We have no guarantee of tomorrow. Why can't Heaven just have visiting hours or even a phone call at least?!? It would give me a little brightness in this dark path. I know she is safe and being taken care of but I MISS HER!!!

Ellie, mommy loves you more than anything and I hope you get all my kisses and love in heaven. You are such a blessing to me and I miss you.

I hope you had a good day and played with all your angel friends. I will visit on the morning, princess. <3

I had to share a picture of my little ham! She is just so silly! I saw this picture the other day and just had to make it my background on my phone! I love it!!