Missing you....

I have been so busy at work this week.  Mommy has started back to work this week working my normal hours.  It is very exhausting.  I get up an hour early so I can come and visit you in the morning to start my day off right and then after work I come home and I am so mentally exhausted.  It doesn't help that I still can't sleep very well either.  I try so hard to think of the good memories that we got to share with you but those haunting ones always have to push their way through and just make me sick.  I just HATE those thoughts and mental images that I get from that HORRIBLE day.

My arms just feel so empty without you.  I feel like I need to be patting your butt and swaying you side to side because that is what you liked best.  I wish we could be snuggling right now...even though I know you would have been in bed a long time ago :)  You were so good at getting to bed every night right around 7:30.  I looked at the bathtub tonight and just thought how much I miss bath nights.  You just loved the bath! I miss seeing you make big splashes with your little legs while we sang songs.  I miss seeing your crazy hair right after bath time!   If I didn't brush it, it would be even crazier!  

Your cute hair right after bath time(before I brushed it)  :)  SO CUTE!!

I miss you more and more everyday.......It just kills me that I can't hear your cry or laugh anymore.  I have videos of your cries and your laughs and all that talking you were doing, but that is the only way I can hear it.  I want to hear those sounds so bad right here in our home...It's not fair.  I look through your pictures everyday and I smile and cry.  Having you was the best thing that could ever happen to me....you made me a mommy.  I am so grateful that God blessed me with you.  I enjoyed every moment, every second, that we had together....I just wish more than anything that it was longer.  I know I will see you again and I will never let you go.  I hope I get to see you grow.  It hurts so much that I have to miss all those wonderful things I so longed to see you do.

Tomorrow we are going to a viewing and funeral for daddy's great grandma Wolfe.  I am sure you have already met her up in Heaven.  She is so lucky to get to be where you are.  I am not looking forward to it.  After everything we went through with you, being in a funeral home just kills me.  It brings back so many horrible memories.  I know you will be with us tomorrow.  I know you and God will shine some light on us and give us strength to get through the day.

I love you more than anything in this world.  Sleep tight baby girl.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  Guide me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light.  Amen."