Taking the Tree Down....

Hi baby girl.  I love that on the weekends I get to see you several times throughout the day because we might be in town and have more time.  We got up and went to church this morning.  I love that when we sing the songs I get goosebumps like I know you and God are there.  It gives me a sense of peace.  One song this morning talked about giving it all to God and praising him for what he gives us.  This song made me very emotional because my everything (you) is now with God and I thank Him everyday for blessing me with you.  I have grown my faith in God and it's all because of you.  It's so unfortunate that my relationship with God has become stronger in this kind of manner.  I would have loved to have grown that relationship with you here with me and teaching you all about Him.  But now, you are with Him and you have an even better relationship and understanding of God than I do.  You are so blessed.

This afternoon, daddy mentioned taking the tree down.  I have been putting it off this whole time.  To most people, taking the tree down is something that people want to do right away because they are tired of the space that it is taking up.  And I used to be like that, until this year.  You were able to watch/help us put the tree up this year and that day is so strong in my mind because you loved seeing the lights go up.  You kicked your little legs with excitement and of coarse you loved the Christmas music that we had on!  To me, taking that tree down felt like I had to put that memory away.  I know I shouldn't think like that because I will always have the memory in my heart but it's so hard.  I wanted more than anything to spend your first Christmas with you.  It breaks my heart.  That tree, as big and space-taking that it may have been, was a blessing to me this year.  It was something you were a part of.  I told myself, while taking the tree down, that Christmas wasn't about the tree, it is about Jesus.  You had the best Christmas of anyone because you got to spend it with Him.  He is keeping you safe and happy until I get there one day and you will be able to tell me all about that first Christmas of yours with Jesus.

This is the ornament that I bought for our new family of three this year.  I had just bought it and didn't have a hook for it yet.  Then after you went to Heaven I couldn't find the strength in myself to hang it on the tree and I never turned the lights on again.  It was something that you were supposed to be there for   :(



I love you more than anything in this world pumpkin.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  Guide me safely though the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen."
Sleep tight.