Hi baby girl. I know you were with mommy today because I really needed you and your love. I had a meeting at the school today and I had so much anxiety even before the meeting because the whole environment makes me remember that horrible day and the nightmarish thoughts that it brings on. I remember the phone call, where I was, when it happened, what was said on the phone, the screams, and how I had to call to call daddy. I was so heartbroken. I was told they were "working on you." I just couldn't believe this was happening. I told myself not to think those horrible thoughts that day and asked God to protect you and asked him not to take you. The ride to the hospital I prayed and prayed. When I got to the hospital daddy was holding you with both grandmas by his side. Everyone was screaming. I took you from daddy and cried. I kissed you and asked you to come back to me. I needed you. Nothing could be more horrible. Those are all the thoughts that just one trip to that's cool gives me. I hate those thoughts more than anything! And that's not even all of them. But I knew on my way home today that you were giving me strength to be strong. I know you don't want mommy to be sad. When I have my roughest moments I have to breathe and think about your sweet little face. Your giggles and smiles make me smile. I just can't wait to see you again. I pray for you to come see me in my dreams because I miss you so much. I know the angels have told me you are ok and so happy. You are being very well taken care of until I get there to take care of you again.
Tonight, when I got home from work, daddy just hugged me. It was just what I needed to come home to. He knew my day was rough. Thank you for keeping mommy and daddy strong for you and each other. We need to stick together because this is the worst part of our lives and you are keeping us strong and growing our love. You are such a special baby.
Ellie, mommy and daddy love you more than anything in this world. Sleep tight princess. See you tomorrow.
"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Guide me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen."
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