Remembering Ellie Olivia: Weekends Aren't the Same....

Yesterday Mommy and Daddy were going to go look at monuments for you (and us too) but our appointment had to be cancelled. I had worked myself up to going to this appointment all week. It is not anything that anyone ever wants to have to do...especially for your baby girl. So I guess we are going to go on Tuesday instead. After we visited you, we walked around the cemetery and visited all of our loved ones. I know you are with all of them and they are watching over you for mommy and daddy. You are the most precious gift from God and you deserve something so special. I just wish it didn't have to be this. I wish it could be toys and clothes and all kinds of LOVE, HUGS, and KISSES. I'm so sorry baby girl. I wish I could do anything to bring you back to me. Unfortunately that is not an option for us. I know you are safe with God and being taken care of, I just wish we could do it. I know I will see you again one day...that will be the most glorious day! I will NEVER let you out of my sight! I will hug and kiss you all day!!!!

One thing that broke my heart at the cemetery yesterday were all the babies that there were. I know how awful it is to have your baby taken away from you, but I know that you have plenty of kids to play with. You can introduce me to them when I get there. They are probably calling you "special baby" like they did at your baby sitter because of your wild hair and you probably stick your tongue out at them! You are too cute baby girl.

Last night your Aunt Teri, Uncle Jim and your cousins Jimmy and Delaney came over. It was so nice to see them. Sometimes I find myself squeezing on to them because I can't squeeze on to you. I could just picture you playing with the kids last night. I know you would have been having a good time....until you knew it was bed time! You really had your schedule down and wanted to be in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 every night! You are such a good baby! It really makes me sad about all the things that I was not able to do with you here. One thing, being able to feed you cereal or baby food. I really looked forward to that. I was going to make my own baby food for you. We even have the baby bullet and packages to make whatever your little tummy desired. I fed Delaney last night and just pictured how much you would have loved it. You are such a good eater! You were even starting to cute some cute little rolls to prove it :)

Today, we got up and went to church. I love being able to go to church on Sundays because I feel a strong sense of comfort from you and God. Every time church starts and we sing our songs...I get goosebumps. I just know you are there singing with us. You love singing songs and I know that would have been your favorite part of the church services. I am so sorry we never took you to church yet. You were colic for so long and our church is over an hour away and I just didn't have the scheduling down yet to get up and go. The work week always just flew by and we were just sleeping in on the weekends and I wanted every minute with you that I could. I know I shouldn't make excuses for us not going. I feel bad. I read you stories from the Bible and sang songs (you liked "Jesus Loves Me") but I wanted you to be able to go to church too. I know God is telling me I shouldn't feel bad about that because He loves you and He will protect you. He is even sharing more with you than I ever could! What a lucky little girl you are. When I sat in church today, all I could hear was the little baby behind us talking and giggling. It was breaking my heart and giving me so much anxiety. I had to leave the sermon for a while because all I wanted was for that to be you. I stepped out in the doorway just to breathe and talk to you. I felt you surround me with your love. I love that you are keeping me strong and wanting me to be able to smile for you. You are a wonderful baby.

Mommy and Daddy are just relaxing around the house tonight. I wish you could be here with us. These were my favorite times together....snuggling on the couch together. I love you princess more than anything in this world. Can't wait to come and see you in the morning!